can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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