He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
