im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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