I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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