is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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