just tell him i said nine months
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
