there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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