The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
