I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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