Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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