No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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