you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
