There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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