I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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