try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
