Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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