Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
