Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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