How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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