shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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