ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You can't special order awesome
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
