Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
