my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
