is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
