Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
