you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
