New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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