im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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