Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
