i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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