I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
