foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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