i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
