woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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