We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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