I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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