even my farts smell like vagina
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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