yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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