You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
