Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
