Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I won the penis lottery.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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