I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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