i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
