After last night, I could never be a politician.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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