The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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