she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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