At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
