last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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