I need help removing her.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
