We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
