seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
