What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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