It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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