I hate your face
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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