mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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