FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
