how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
