As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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