I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
