my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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