I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize