Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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