well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
