I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize