My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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