i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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