Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
