No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
operation harelip BJ is a go
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
