Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
