I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize