if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
