just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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