He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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