my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
