The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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