Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
